In response to rising verbal and physical anti-SUP harassment, a team of standup paddleboard surfer/engineers have designed the first V-Edge blade hydrofoil SUP board. Not only will it catch a wave a mile before anyone else in the lineup, but it can half any surfer and their shortboard and still slice a tomato on shore.
“We were harassed in the lineup one morning. Someone stuck a “No Bozos” sticker on my minivan. It was a long afternoon of taking the kids to travel soccer, picking the dog up from the vet, going to physical therapy for my shoulder, and buying toilet paper and milk. I was fed up. I thought about the incident all day. It ate at me. Later that night, we went to a friends house for an ugly sweater party. We were all watching a Christmas Story when Peter Billingsley goes ‘Full Ralphie’ on this bully. It hit all of us at the same time. ‘We need to fight back!’ And that’s when we saw it: The Ginsu Knife ad. It was like beer and wings. It just fit.”
It took months of research and development, but once completed, the final prototype called the “Freddy Krueger” seem ready for production. Able to reach speeds of 18-20 miles per hour, shred a beer can and dice carrots, this board was designed to dominate and decimate a lineup.
Striking the proper balance between lineup traditional knife-making methods and new age technology is what makes the Freddy so special. The Freddy’s forged hydrofoils exude an old world, Japanese crafters’ skill and precision in a timeless – albeit updated – style that utilizes the most efficient processes and materials. The V-edge which looks like it sounds—two slanting sides that go straight to the cutting edge.
“It’s literally three ginormous Ginsu knives epoxied to the bottom of a SUP board. On our first test run, we hit a school of bonita and things got ugly. But we knew we had something.”
They used hard VG-10 steel, which is a high carbon steel made and graded in Japan. The heft and edge combines for an easy drop and maneuver, so you can use it to drop in on a bomb or slice thick slabs of meat or fish without fail.
The Freddy series uses layer after layer of forged stainless steel to give each blade an unparalleled level of strength and sharpness that lasts and lasts. Such attention to the core of the blade means these pieces of elegant, forged foils should only be washed by hand with a mesh glove after use in saltwater.
Contact with the side of the blade (a slap or slash) does not result in injury. The blade of the foil must strike from the front. Surfers are advised to wear a lamé (wire-mesh jacket) for safety in the lineup.
“Now when they call us “Sweepers” or “Bozos” or yell, “GO home Kooks!” we can go full-Ralphie on the lineup, slicing and dicing our way into bull goose looney status at the point. Just wait until they all have to wear those lamé vests for safety.”
An anonymous Bay Boy at the legendarily localized surf spot Lunada Bay in Palos Verdes claim, “They still have to get to and from the water. We can still cut their tires and hit golf balls at them, so this isn’t over.”
“It was nice to be higher in the water than surfers, to have that sense of altitudinal superiority. Now with the foil, it’s like we’re wearing platform shoes AND standing on top of the water. That’s like double cool. So now when they yell names at us, we can say, “Enter the Octagon, Shark Biscuits!”
One SUPer on demo day laughed gently with misty eyes, “I played with butterfly knives and throwing stars as a kid—watched Point Break like a thousand times. So this is like a dream come true.”
V-shaped beveled edge retains its sharpness and you can bet it is really sharp out of the box. SUPers need to take special care when unpacking the Freddy and especially special care after falling off the board.
Paddlers will be shipped a set of mesh gloves for handling and paddling. They are lightweight, but will allow the paddler to handle the board and foil.
No date has been set as of yet for the commercial availability of the Freddy.