BREAKING NEWS: Laird Hamilton to Attend Carolina Cup

Wilmington, NC-April 1, 2014–Laird Hamilton released a statement today saying he intends to race in the Carolina Cup. He'll riding a NASA-Inspired, Oracle World-Cup collaborative 12'6" race board that he says "Will kick even the fastest 14' board's ass."

This is Laird's first standup paddle competition ever. He's been cross-training on a pedal kayak which allows him to "Move my arms super fast and get a good road bike workout, all on the water. And I look damn good on those things."

Laird says "the trick is not just to paddle faster, but to finish ahead of everyone else. People don't seem to get that."

Laird will also lead a free crunch clinic. "I took 8-minute abs to the next level and made it 80 minutes. It's 10 days worth of abs workouts in an hour and 20 minutes."

He is very zen about training.  "I think of work a lot like I think about not working. It's the same thing, except in one instance you're not doing what you do in the other."

Living in Hawaii has its perks. "I schedule my training in the mornings in Maui mostly because everyone on the mainland is having lunch. They say 'What are you doing Laird?' And I just laugh and laugh as I chainsaw a log and drag it 10 miles down the beach with my nipples."

Talking Nutrition and Hydration

When asked about his nutrition plan for the grueling Graveyard Race, Laird said "You should treat your body as a dump truck. You dump all this good healthy stuff in it and ride around looking for a bran muffin and a cup of coffee which makes the bad stuff dump out."

"My hydration pack is actually produced by a division of nescafe. It presses a shot of freerange, organic espresso right into my jugular," he said. "Even if there's drug testing, coffee is legal."

He continued "I also plan to chew organic taffy before the race and then will chew for two hours while I paddle. Chewing burns calories while helping you absorb micronutrients from your saliva. And when you chew, you just look busy so people think 'That guy's a busy guy,' which is intimidating. That and flexing when I scratch my head."

After a workout, I enjoy my "Laird's Special Smoothie."


1 Baby, tenderized

1 Kitten, shorn

10 ounces of Lamb tears

Sea Salt




Blend until smooth. 

Motivational Mantras

"I've always said that FEAR is an unbelievable motivator. it comes from a special place that says 'You could die.' I like to do what I call 'Boo!' where I walk up behind a competitor like anny Ching or Chase Kosterlitz and help motivate them to do well and not die."

"In the end, we're all winners," he said. "Except for the 99.99% who didn't beat me."

April Fool’s 🙂

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